Tonight Show: Spring Break & Guinea Pigs
Congress’s return from Spring Break, the controversial Target plus size colors, and the prospect of eating guinea pigs made the Jay Leno monologue on the Tonight Show.
Jay Leno: Congress Spring Break
Congress is getting back from Spring Break this week, which must be nice. Unless they are teachers, most working adults do not get a Spring Break.
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un continues to make headlines, and Jay Leno loves to make topical jokes, so he shared recent developments, sharing that Dennis Rodman’s firing from Celebrity Apprentice could put America at risk for further threats.
The Tonight Show: President Obama & Pamela Harris
President Obama took some heat for referring to Pamela Harris as “the best looking attorney general out there.” Jay said at least people can start comparing him to Clinton instead of George W. Bush.
To balance out his remarks, Leno joked that the president is making comments about men’s looks as well. I guess that’s only fair.
The White House chef personalizes meals for the president and vice president. “For example, Biden’s lunch always comes with a toy,” he said.
Tonight Show: Target Plus Size Colors
Target stores have apologized for referring to the color of a Target plus size dress sold online as “manatee gray.” Other sizes were referred to as “heather gray,” and for some reason this difference really set Leno off into a giggle fit.
Pigeons are contracting bird flu, according to a new report, which means you should stay away from pigeons, as always.
KFC is preparing to release boneless chicken to appeal to younger consumers. Do you think this will work?
Jay Leno: Eating Guinea Pigs?
More Americans are eating guinea pigs, and Leno speculated that this is because it’s cheaper shopping at a pet store than Whole Foods.
In Florida, an 84-year-old allegedly pepper sprayed a security guard. Why do all the craziest stories come out of Florida? They need a new PR campaign or something.
The Tonight Show: Stockton Bankruptcy
The broke city of Stockton, California, continues to make Jay’s monologue, as “the most populous city in the nation to go into bankruptcy.” He said meth labs there just give out Sudafed, and the 99-cent store has been accused of price gouging.
Can you imagine what would happen if your city went bankrupt? It seems like it is happening more and more everywhere you go.
Tonight Show: Lindsay Lohan Viral Video
A tanker pulled over for a traffic stop was discovered carrying two tons of marijuana. Jay said he should have stuck to hauling gasoline, because it will make you more money than pot.
In a celebrity impersonation, Jay showed a viral video of a kitten, imitating “Lindsay Lohan getting her first taste of alcohol.” The kitten went nuts for a bowl of milk and lapped it up furiously. Don’t forget–Lohan is coming soon to Letterman’s show. It is going to be amazing.
Jay Leno: Lost Hiker Hallucinations
Two teenage hikers who got lost in the mountains have been rescued. According to one of the survivors, he started hallucinating that he was being stalked by tigers. I liked Cheryl Strayed’s memoir, Wild, but I don’t think I have what it takes to be such a long-distance hiker. I like hot showers too much.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the basketball star who now appears on the celebrity diving show Splash, was shown in a clip, where Jay’s visual joke was that he was taller than the depth of the water.