Late Show: Spring Cleaning & Hillary Clinton
The Late Show monologue included a response to Hillary Clinton’s support of gay marriage, Dave’s thoughts on Spring Cleaning, March Madness losers and a buddy comedy for the pope.
David Letterman: Spring Cleaning
The first day of spring has finally arrived. Dave said he still does Spring Cleaning each year out of habit. “I fired three writers,” he joked.
Every year, the first day of spring makes people gather at the Hello Deli to see the flies return for the season.
In Great Britain, a man has modified his car to run using coffee as fuel. “Wait till you start trying to fill up the tanks at Starbucks,” he said. Why wouldn’t you just use regular coffee brewed at your house?
Late Show: March Madness Xanax
March Madness is underway, and college basketball fans are celebrating everywhere. In a free market, anything can be exploited, even the very concept of March Madness.
Dave joked that even drug companies are cashing in on this event. In a commercial parody, Xanax was prescribed for March Madness, but of course there was a lengthy list of side effects.
Republicans are retooling their strategy after losing the 2012 presidential election. The results of an expensive study concluded that Republicans “are old white guys,” according to Dave. It took 100 pages to reach this conclusion, apparently.
Letterman said he took exception to the characterization, because “John Boehner is orange.”
David Letterman: Hillary Clinton Gay Marriage
Hillary Clinton came out in support of gay marriage via a YouTube video. Dave joked that she offered free pantsuits for gay couples who wish to get hitched.
Joe Biden is preparing to throw his hat in the ring, at least according to Letterman. Can you imagine if Biden ran for president in 2016? The parody video showed him putting the moves on President Obama as a sign of his commitment.
Late Show: Pope Francis & The Infallible Couple
The new pope hails from Argentina, where he was a cardinal. His resume includes nightclub bouncer, which might sound surprising. He also had a lung removed at a young age.
He checked himself out of his hotel after being named the new pope. This section of the monologue seemed to just be a rehash of every Pope Francis joke Dave has told in recent days.
Pope Francis supposedly had to find temporary housing while the Vatican was being remodeled between popes. Naturally, he went to stay with former Pope Benedict. If this sounds like a sitcom setup, you may want to tune in for The Infallible Couple, this fall on CBS.
David Letterman: March Madness Losers
In the March Madness tournament, 68 teams will be whittled down to one winner. Of course, that means many colleges are left out of the proceedings, since there are more than 68. Dave honored some March Madness Losers such as Caltech, where the focus is on education, not athletics.