Jimmy Kimmel: DWTS Elimination, Hugh Hefner Birthday & Bieber’s Monkey

Jimmy Kimmel Live: DWTS Elimination

Jimmy Kimmel had the latest information about who was eliminated on Dancing With The Stars and Splash, as well as an update on the plot to #FreeBiebersMonkey and Hugh Hefner’s birthday.

Jimmy Kimmel: Lisa Vanderpump Dancing With The Stars

Jimmy Kimmel reminded everyone to appreciate the time you have, because you never know when North Korea might fire a nuclear missile.

From the Real Housewives, Lisa Vanderpump was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. She passed out during rehearsal, and not even for a cosmetic procedure.

Let’s just call it convenient that Vanderpump’s incident took place on camera. Kimmel suggested that you could use musical cues to lighten the mood.

Jimmy Kimmel Live: Carrie Ann Inaba Crying

Andy Dick’s performance of the Viennese Waltz brought judge Carrie Ann Inaba to uncontrollable tears on the show. A lot of people have been crying for surprising reasons lately, like Lindsay Lohan.

“Normally if Andy Dick makes you cry, it’s followed by a restraining order,” Kimmel said.

Jimmy Kimmel: Louie Anderson Splash

And then there is Splash, the celebrity diving show featuring the portly Louie Anderson. On the 16-foot diving platform, he did a backflip into the water, but Kimmel didn’t think it counted as diving. Anderson was ultimately eliminated from the competition on Splash.

Jimmy Kimmel: Hugh Hefner Birthday

Hugh Hefner has turned 87 years old. His 26-year-old wife is younger than me, and Kimmel suggested that they have very little to talk about.

“That’s love for you–it’s totally disgusting,” Kimmel said.

Jimmy Kimmel Live: Raccoon Power Lines Video

An amazing animal video was made even better once again by an amateur videographer’s narration of a raccoon scaling electrical wires for transportation. For bonus points, she even shot the video horizontally instead of vertically.

Jimmy Kimmel: #FreeBiebersMonkey

Justin Bieber has a new haircut, which is shaved on the sides. Kimmel compared it to styles sported by Rihanna and Miley Cyrus. He does look less like Rachel Maddow with his new ‘do.

Of course, that brings us to the plight of Mally the monkey, still stranded in Germany at an animal shelter. Jimmy Kimmel has threatened to kill David Hasselhoff if the monkey is not freed by Thursday, April 11.

To help facilitate communication, Kimmel brought in Klaus, a German translator, to help get his message across. But the translator did not seem to appreciate Kimmel’s threat.