Dr. Phil: Is The Son Violent Because Of His Parents?
Sometimes on Dr. Phil, you see parents unabashedly blaming their children for what they’ve become. It’s really sad to witness, because often the children have done things that are hard to justify. But it’s also sad to witness because the parents don’t realize how they’ve affected their children. As parents, you always do the best you can. But when you have low self-awareness and constantly claim yourself as a victim, it’s hard to bridge any gap.
There’s a simple rule in relationships: you draw away love, I’ll draw away love. You give love, I’ll give love. This is a fact that has existed since the beginning of time. People give back what they receive. It may be hard to love your children (or parents) sometimes, but withdrawing and lack of empathy is felt, even if it’s never spoken. And when it is spoken, there’s not much hope for repairing the relationship.
So when Karen and Tim say that their 24-year-old adopted son Adam is out of control and Tim says he wishes they’d never adopted him in the first place, you have to wonder how long that feeling has been prominent in Tim and Karen’s relationship with their son. You don’t get to pick your kids, usually, but in the case of adoption, when you take on the role of guardian for a child, that’s your role for life. You don’t get to take it back, not even when that child is no longer a child.
Dr. Phil: Out Of Control Son
All of that said, are you ready to hear what Adam has done to make his parents say they wish they’d never raised him? It’s important to hold Adam accountable for his actions, so I don’t want this to come off like I’m defending the man, especially since some of what he’s done is reprehensible.
Karen claims Adam was “the sweet, loving kid who went away to college and became a monster”. Seemingly overnight, she claims Adam became violent. He has threatened her with a knife and that he has a violent temper. They’ve called police three times. Adam has punched holes in doors, hit things, stabbed knives in the wall, and become verbally abuse to his parents. Adam has also gotten DUIs in the past and may be abusing drugs.
“What he needs now is his a** kicked,” Tim said.
Karen said that Adam’s rage overcomes him until he can’t control his actions. Adam has also tried to take his own life on three separate occasions.
Dr. Phil: Will They Disown Their Son?
Because of Adam’s destructive behavior, he was kicked out of the house for the past three years. Adam has been in seven different living situations since then and “probably been kicked out” of all of them, according to Karen. Karen also said that Adam has a gun.
Adam came home once and told his parents he was coming over. Karen said that they said no and that Adam flipped out. But she misspoke and said “Tim flips out,” which leads me to wonder if this was a Freudian slip. Does Tim have anger issues?
Anyway, after Adam flipped out at Tim and Karen, Tim told him over a text that he has 15 minutes to get out of the house or they were going to call the police. Adam left, but he took Tim’s motorcycle. That’s when Karen and Tim got a restraining order, “secured the house,” and changed the locks.
I know I’m supposed to be terrified for Tim and Karen, but I have to wonder what kind of parents would kick their suicidal son out on the streets and get a restraining order when he tried to come home. Obviously Adam’s behavior is unacceptable, but his parents aren’t exactly Georgia peaches, either.