Tonight Show: Pedestrians Texting
What do you think is the world’s most unpleasant sound? Plus, what could turn the tables on those Jesse Jackson Jr charges? Jay Leno’s monologue also mentioned potential new laws governing texting and walking, as well as Crazy Blind Date app reviews.
Jay Leno: Most Unpleasant Sound
The Journal of Neuroscience has isolated the most unpleasant sound in the world: a knife blade scraping across a glass bottle. Leno said that could be replaced with the phrase, “Welcome aboard your Carnival Cruise!”
Lawsuits are already being filed against the company after its cruise disaster, which Leno said would just make the whole affair even more slimy by introducing lawyers.
The Tonight Show: Tiger Woods Vs President Obama
“A new poll says that 92% of Pakistanis dislike Americans. The other 8% have not yet seen the Kardashians,” Leno said.
President Obama had a golf vacation with Tiger Woods, and it turns out the president’s handicap is that he “doesn’t understand economics,” at least according to Leno. Tiger’s best tip for the president was to delete your text messages.
Jay Leno: Jesse Jackson Jr Charges
Could a head injury in Mexico be responsible for the pope’s early resignation? A doctored Fox News video showed the pope base jumping during spring break, which is probably inadvisable at any age.
Ex-congressman Jesse Jackson Jr is facing charges for misusing campaign funds. He bought a cape and a Michael Jackson hat, among other items. Leno said that if he intended to use the items to fight crime, he might get a lighter sentence.
Tonight Show: Texting And Walking
Ex-South Carolina governor Mark Sanford, who visited his girlfriend in Argentina while he was supposed to be hiking, is now campaigning for an open Senate seat, admitting that everyone makes mistakes. He now says that he never failed the taxpayers he served.
Should it be illegal for pedestrians to text and walk? Nevada is considering banning this activity, because they could be hit by drivers who are also texting. What do you think is the greater crime?
The Tonight Show: Russian Meteor
The Russian meteor was 55 feet long and weighed 10,000 tons, making it the largest recorded in a century. It “destroyed almost as many homes as Countrywide Mortgage,” Leno joked.
Did you know that Costco Tiffany engagement rings have turned out to be fake. Jay Leno wondered whether this also meant that Olive Garden does not serve authentic Italian food.
Jay Leno: Whole Foods Gas Prices
Flushed illegal drugs that end up in the water supply could affect fish, scientists now say. Where was this defense when Lance Armstrong needed it?
Gas prices have been on the rise for the last 33 years. “Gas is so expensive, they’re now selling at Whole Foods,” Leno said.
Tonight Show: Mayor Bloomberg Marijuana
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that citizens will no longer be jailed when caught with small amounts of marijuana, as long as they don’t stash it in a 16-ounce styrofoam cup.
A South African mayor has been caught sending inappropriate photos to a staffer that showed his private areas decorated like a dessert sundae. “He says he doesn’t remember doing it,” Leno said, which is not exactly a denial.
Tonight Show: Crazy Blind Date App Reviews
ABC News followed a woman on a blind date that she made based on a scrambled photo of a man, whom she met on the app Crazy Blind Date. In the Tonight Show video, his face was scrambled on the date as well.
Beer could be good for your bone density, as a result of its silicone content. Now you have another reason to indulge: it’s like the adult version of milk.