The Tonight Show: March Madness
Medical marijuana, March Madness, and baby mops were fodder for Jay Leno’s monologue. He also had something to say about the ongoing sequester and Donald Trump’s approach to Easter, as well as whether selling Girl Scout Cookies is a fireable offense.
Jay Leno: Marijuana Vending Machines
Jay Leno said that Florida is now campaigning to legalize marijuana, which could cause an influx of Jamaican immigrants.
Meanwhile, California is mulling marijuana vending machines. What happens when the packages get stuck in the machine, like candy bars sometimes do?
The Tonight Show: Florida Gulf Coast University
Last week, a high school student invited Kate Upton to his prom. The video landed the kid on the Today Show, and Upton said she would check her schedule. Doesn’t she kind of have to go now? It seems like a big diss if she doesn’t show.
Florida Gulf Coast University has made it to the Sweet 16 in the annual March Madness tournament. Harvard ended up getting knocked out of the competition in the second round though. It sounds like a rough year for brackets all around.
According to Jay, the Harvard team cheerleaders made an Isosceles triangle instead of a pyramid.
Jay Leno: 700 Club Religious Scams?
President Obama made a trip to the Middle East, making it clear that America is a partner with Israel. Leno said that sounds like a great idea if they want to take on some of our debt.
The 700 Club host Pat Robertson warned his audience about “phony people running religious scams.” A Tonight Show video created the illusion of people taking his advice literally and fleeing from The 700 Club.
The Tonight Show: Girl Scout Cookies Sales
The sequester has forced the FAA to close 149 air traffic control towers. Jay’s solution was to put members of Congress on a plane and leave it on the runway until they come to an agreement.
A university professor was fired from her job for selling Girl Scout cookies for her daughter. Is that a fireable offense? If so, a lot of parents would find themselves out of work.
A British woman said she has an allergic reaction to exercise. Aren’t people going to start using this excuse left and right now?
Jay Leno: Rattlesnake Handler
A Texas snake handler is in the hospital after being bitten a 12th time. Doesn’t that make you really bad at your job?
Celebrity Apprentice aired an Easter episode, and Jay showed a clip in which a child found an Easter egg under Donald Trump’s hairpiece.
In Switzerland, a smartphone implant can detect whether you are about to have a heart attack. That sounds like amazing technology, but do you think it really works?
The Tonight Show: Baby Mops
Baby Mops are mop heads you can attach to a child’s appendages, so she or he can clean the floor as they crawl.
Ex-WWE star Chris Masters saved his mother from a house fire recently by uprooting a tree using his bare hands to break into the house. Even a week later, that is an impressive story, like when mothers lift cars to save their kids.
Jay Leno: Inappropriate Comedy Review
Lindsay Lohan’s movie Inappropriate Comedy tanked at the box office and may be the biggest flop of the year, according to the Tonight Show, taking in only $172,000. “Paris Hilton said the film was so bad, she’s surprised she’s not in it,” Jay joked.
How can you get a song dislodged when it’s stuck in your head? According to Jay, you should have a friend hit you in the head with a shovel. That sounds dangerous. Don’t try that at home.