The Tonight Show: Postal Service & Valentines
On Valentine’s eve, Jay Leno reflected on the State of the Union address, Valentine’s Day spending, US Postal Service delivery delays, and the Golf Channel morning show.
Jay Leno: Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is here, “or as Manti Te’O calls it, April Fools Day.” Jay Leno said that Iran bans the holiday, which proves that guys make the rules there.
A new survey found that 65% of men and women would be disappointed if they were not intimate on Valentine’s Day, though he joked that women would be disappointed either way.
Tonight Show: Valentine’s Day Spending
A staggering $4 billion is expected to be spent on jewelry for the holiday, for wives and girlfriends, “especially if the wife finds out about the girlfriend.”
The cheating website Ashley Madison has named Washington, D.C. the least faithful city. Austin, Texas, came in second, according to Leno, because Lance Armstrong’s cheating blew the curve.
Jay Leno: State of the Union
There were 25 standing ovations during the president’s State of the Union. But Jay was more preoccupied with Joe Biden’s glasses, which included a disguise, googly eyes, and glitter-covered shades.
President Obama wants to get Congress to raise the minimum wage, and Leno said that Congress knows a lot about “doing the minimum for their wage.”
As for House speaker John Boehner, he did not have much of a reaction to anything during the speech. But Jay speculated that was because he was replaced by a cardboard cutout.
The Tonight Show: Marco Rubio Poland Spring
Though President Barack Obama got through his lengthy speech without a single sip of water, Republican senator Marco Rubio was not as lucky. At least his Poland Spring moment got him in the national spotlight, though probably not in the way he intended.
Jay said that the pope is stepping down because his position had no room for further advancement, making it a dead end job. But reports indicate that the Pope has been frustrated by having to communicate to God through Tim Tebow.
Jay Leno: US Postal Service Delivery
A postcard mailed 47 years ago finally showed up on Friday, February 9. Jay predicted that the mail service is going to be even slower once the post office stops delivering on Saturdays.
Leno suggested that Lance Armstrong, who was once sponsored by the US Postal Service, should get back on steroids to make everyone’s Saturday deliveries as restitution.
Tonight Show: Carnival Cruise & Michael Jordan
A Carnival cruise ship is still making its way back to shore, with more than 4,000 stranded passengers who have no power or running water. That has got to be the worst vacation ever. Jay suggested that a Tilt A Whirl and clowns might improve moods.
But there is a silver lining: “This is the first cruise in history where people actually lost weight.”
Michael Jordan will celebrate his 50th birthday on February 17, and Jay suggested that he’s finally old enough to join the Lakers.
Jay Leno: Golf Channel Morning Show
Morning Drive, the Golf Channel morning show, is now expanding to coverage seven days a week. That is a lot of golf news…don’t hold your breath for Recapo to add this one in the immediate future.