Tonight Show: Chris Brown Grammy Awards & World’s Oldest Facebook User

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The Tonight Show: Chris Brown & Pope Resigns

The Pope resigns, Chris Brown Grammy Awards behavior gets negative attention, and a Nor’Easter blizzard snows people in. With material like this, it’s almost as if The Tonight Show monologue writes itself.

Tonight Show: Chris Brown Grammy Awards

CBS asked Grammy Awards performers to avoid “gratuitous displays of flesh,” which Jay Leno pointed out contradicts with the network’s annual promotion of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

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He also poked fun at the categories, such as “Best Female Artist John Mayer Has Yet To Bang,” which Leno thought was “very rude.”

Chris Brown refused to join the crowd in a standing ovation for Grammy winner Frank Ocean. “The only time he stands up is when a judge comes into the room,” Leno joked.

Taylor Swift was the big opener for the show, and The Tonight Show speculated at a long list of future ex-boyfriends that could come into her life.

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Jay Leno: Nor’Easter Blizzard

Tonight Show: Chris Brown Grammy Awards & World's Oldest Facebook User

The Tonight Show monologue included jokes about Chris Brown Grammy Awards notoriety, the world’s oldest Facebook user, and the pope’s resignation. (Jaguar PS / Shutterstock.com)

Massachusetts, Jay Leno’s home state, got hit hard in the blizzard last weekend. “There was so much snow in Greenwich, Connecticut, it was actually whiter than Greenwich, Connecticut,” he said.

The blizzard resulted in flight cancellations, which means that Valentine’s Day rose deliveries may be delayed or in short supply. It makes a good excuse though, if you forgot to get a gift.

The Tonight Show: Pope Resigns

Jay speculated that the pope’s resignation was due to Notre Dame’s loss to Alabama. The Pope is retiring at age 85, due to his decline in physical health. Meanwhile, Jay noted, Hugh Hefner just married a 26-year-old.

Maybe Fox will do a reality show, So You Think You Can Pope. In all seriousness, the next pope may come from South America or Africa, though popes tend to hail from European countries.

Tonight Show: State of the Union Red Carpet

President Obama’s State of the Union address will tackle the tough subject of jobs in America, “and hopefully maybe he’ll explain to us why anybody in Congress still has one,” Leno said.

Jay Leno looked at some faux promos for the State of the Union, featuring an E red carpet special hosted by Ryan Seacrest. I’m actually surprised no one has tried this, if not for the State of the Union, then at least for the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Jay Leno: British Romance Novelist Jessica Blair

A British romance novelist with the pen name Jessica Blair has been unmasked as an 89-year-old man. Jay joked that Manti Te’O got fooled once again.

Did you know that horse meat has been found in “frozen British lasagna,” and Leno could not decide what was the worst part of that story.

Tonight Show: President Bush Email Hacked

There is now a Secret Service investigation into former President George W. Bush’s personal email accounts. The Tonight Show showed a joke email in which the former president wrote back to a Nigerian Internet scammer and revealed personal banking details.

The TLC series My Strange Addiction followed a couple who enjoys getting coffee enemas every day, which Jay suspected made other Starbucks customers very uncomfortable.

The Tonight Show: World’s Oldest Facebook User

A 105-year-old California woman is the world’s oldest Facebook user, according to reports. “You’re never too old to waste what little time you have left,” Leno said.

June, the mom from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, said that fame will not ruin her family, saying the family should not be confused with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. No problem.

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