Tonight Show: 2013 Gas Prices, Pope Head Injury & Vice Presidents Day

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Tonight Show: Gas Prices

The Tonight Show monologue took shots at the President and congress; I guess only the Supreme Court is safe from Leno’s attacks. Get the scoop on watered down Maker’s Mark whiskey and 2013 gas prices from Jay Leno.

Jay Leno: Vice Presidents Day

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Tonight Show: 2013 Gas Prices, Pope Head Injury & Vice Presidents Day

The Tonight Show took aim at members of Congress, the pope’s retirement plans, and the constantly rising 2013 gas prices during Jay’s monologue.

I don’t think anyone on television is as aware of Presidents’ Day as the late night talk show hosts. “Don’t confuse that with Vice Presidents’ Day. That’s actually April Fools Day,” Leno quipped.

President Barack Obama recently played golf in Florida with Tiger Woods. “Both got in trouble because of their stimulus package,” he said.

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Former congressman Jesse Jackson Jr has been charged with misusing campaign funds for items such as Bruce Lee memorabilia and a cashmere cape, among other frivolities.

The Tonight Show: Human Intelligence In Congress

A former San Diego mayor said that she bet over $1 billion in casinos on video poker. Jay said she should be applauded for gambling with her own money.

Human intelligence is declining, according to a new study, which Jay said means that Congress is unfortunately operating at peak efficiency at this moment.

Nancy Pelosi will not support a congressional pay cut, which she said might “diminish the dignity of the job.”

Jay Leno: Pope Head Injury

According to the Vatican, the Pope hit his head after a trip last year to Mexico, which could be a contributing factor in his declining health. “The pope said when he retires, he will be hidden from the world, so it sounds like he’s getting a primetime show on NBC,” Leno said.

Who will replace the pope? Jay said that Whole Foods is a great place to find “holier than thou” candidates.

Tonight Show: 2013 Gas Prices

“Gas prices are being hiked higher than Larry King’s pants,” Leno said of the seemingly constant gas price increases. How much have prices increased in your area?

Horse meat found in Burger King hamburgers led to a supposed discover of seahorse meat in Burger King fish products.

An Australian couple celebrated Valentine’s Day by getting married at Ikea. “They’re still trying to put the bed together,” Jay said.

Jay Leno: Maker’s Mark Whiskey Watered Down?

Bakersfield, California, has recently been named the least literate city in America, with citizens “reading at a Honey Boo Boo level.”

Maker’s Mark has backed off its decision to water down whiskey. Leno said that the consumer backlash that forced the decision illustrates where America’s priorities lie.

CBS has a new season of Survivor, and a Jay Leno video suggested that the next season will take place aboard a Carnival Cruise ship.

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