The Tonight Show: Samoa Air Weight-Based Fares & Illegal Immigrants

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Tonight Show: Weight-Based Airfares

Jay Leno joked about the latest threats from North Korea, the AP’s changes to its policy on the term “illegal immigrant,” and Samoa Air’s plan to charge weight-based fares to passengers.

The Tonight Show: North Korea Attack?

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The Tonight Show: Samoa Air Weight-Based Fares & Illegal Immigrants

Jay Leno joked about Samoa Air, a company that announced it will be charging passenger fares based on weight.

The United States is preparing, just in case North Korea makes good on its threats to attack America. China even stepped in on America’s behalf, because they can’t have any Walmarts hit.

An Iranian official predicts that 2013 will bring “the fall of the American empire.” Jay Leno suggested that the man be considered for an on-air position at Fox News.

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President Barack Obama asked for $100 million from Congress to map the human brain, which the host believed was something Congress could make good use of.

Jay Leno: AP Illegal Immigrant Policy

President Obama found some time for basketball at the White House recently. He seemed to have trouble making a shot, but he persevered. That’s probably a good quality to show young people.

The Associated Press has discontinued use of the term “illegal immigrant.” Leno suggested they replace it with the phrase “undocumented Democrat.”

Stockton, California, is the US’s most populous city to file for bankruptcy. Can you imagine living there? This will probably not be the last town to have these types of financial difficulties.

Tonight Show: Samoa Air Weight-Based Fares

A Detroit Pistons rookie missed two free throws and lost the game against the Bulls for his team. Leno suggested that he stop taking pointers from President Obama.

A Connecticut priest is pleading guilty to manufacturing and selling meth, which Leno said would be dealt with in the church’s policy of ignoring things in the hope they go away.

Samoa Air is charging passengers based on their weight. That could really swing the fares for passengers. What do you think about this policy?

The Tonight Show: Justin Bieber Assault?

A British newspaper is serializing a true story about a girl kidnapped as a child and raised by monkeys in the wilderness, “and yet, she still had better parents than Lindsay Lohan.”

Justin Bieber may face assault charges for allegedly spitting on his neighbor. This kid can’t catch a break, after having his monkey quarantined in Germany.

Snoop Lion (formerly known as Snoop Lion) said that he would most like to get high with Bill Clinton. Jay said he didn’t know there was anyone left that Snoop had not smoked pot with.

Jay Leno: America’s Most Wanted Canceled

Lifetime canceled the series America’s Most Wanted, perhaps because of a letter-writing campaign spearheaded by criminals.

Are we getting dumber with every generation? Viral videos showing people making foolish errors such as diving into ice or hitting their heads on ceiling fans could bolster this claim.

Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury reportedly once snuck Princess Diana into a gay bar in disguise. What if she ran into Princess Di drag queens?

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