The Tonight Show: USPS & Cougar Wives
Jay Leno welcomed Jennifer Lawrence on his show, but first he joked about the US Postal Service, Twilight vs Abraham Lincoln at the box office, and Extreme Cougar Wives.
Tonight Show: President Obama & Thai Prime Minister
“Good news for the economy: President Obama’s out of town,” Jay Leno said, recalling the president’s recent trip to Thailand. He said that there were photos of the president with the country’s prime minister.
Was the president flirting with the female prime minister? Jay Leno had some photographic evidence, and then showed a video of the president returning home to find himself locked out of the White House.
Jay Leno: Mark Suben Election
Mark Suben was voted Cortland, New York’s district attorney, but it turned out he had an exotic film career in the 1970s. Leno wondered why a politician would like about “the most honest thing on his resume.”
Would you vote for someone who had a checkered past? Tell me your arguments for or against this in the comments section.
The Tonight Show: US Postal Service Losses
The US Postal Service said it lost $16 billion last year. “They’re losing money faster than Obama can spend it,” Leno quipped.
TMZ got a photo of Mitt Romney and Ann Romney seeing Twilight in late 2012. But he refused to see the movie Lincoln, because the 16th president only won “because of gifts he gave out to minorities.”
Tonight Show: Twilight Vs Lincoln
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 took in $141 million in its opening weekend, according to Jay, who was incredulous that the film’s surprise ending was actually in the trailer, in the form of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
A company that produces marijuana vending machines reported a 3000% increase in stock prices after investors began pursuing legalized pot. “Buy low, sell really, really high,” Jay suggested.
Jay Leno: Red Robin Milkshakes
The Red Robin restaurant chain offered a gingerbread cookie milkshake, warning that cookie chunks could clog up your straw. Jay said that is a good illustration of what is going on in your arteries.
According to a new study, the more skin a woman shows, the less intelligent she appears. But Leno thought that must be backwards, making men look stupider.
The Tonight Show: Extreme Cougar Wives
In a promotional spot for The Bachelor, virgin Sean Lowe was said to be facing off against former general David Petraeus.
Meanwhile, on TLC’s Extreme Cougar Wives, a 76-year-old woman confessed pursuing an 18-year-old man. Jay suggested that pairing might be more appropriate on Antiques Roadshow.