Tonight Show: Toasted Skin & Sequester
The Tonight Show’s guest list included David Duchovny. But first, Jay came up with a Washington Sequester analogy we can all understand and warned about Toasted Skin Syndrome.
The Tonight Show: Washington Sequester
The sequester is still looming in Washington, and Jay Leno compared it to a Carnival Cruise: “the captain is fighting with the crew about who to throw overboard, and the rest of us are up to our eyeballs in crap.”
He said that even politicians have no idea what is going on. Both sides are getting more and more dramatic, maybe because of the influence of Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway.
Video clips of Washington leaders featured them autotuned to be singing in the style of Les Miserables, which may be the only way to make Congress even less popular.
Jay Leno: President Obama Fox News
President Barack Obama said that four years as president will help you see your mistakes. “Apparently he does watch Fox News,” Leno said.
The European horse meat scandal is growing. South African hamburgers may contain donkey meat. If nothing else, this whole saga is a great advertisement for vegetarianism. Many of the tested meats contain “undeclared ingredients.”
Tonight Show: Pope Benedict Seclusion
The Pope has given his final blessing, and said that he will “pray in seclusion” for the remainder of his life. Pope Benedict will achieve pope emeritus status upon his resignation.
“Even though the pope said he will spend the remainder of his life in seclusion, he’ll still be seen by more people than watch NBC primetime,” Leno said.
The network just finished in fifth place for the first time, behind Spanish-language channel Univision.
The Tonight Show: Toasted Skin Syndrome
Doctors have found that heated car seats can cause Toasted Skin Syndrome, when people forget the heated seats are on and they burn your skin. Jay said we must be getting really fat if we cannot feel that.
Another medical report said it is safer to pass gas during a flight than to hold it in. I wonder if it has something to do with the cabin pressure.
Jay Leno: Late Tenant Beating
An Ohio landlord beat a tenant’s bare butt when he was late paying the rent. I thought they could only charge you late fees.
In tonight’s edition of It Looks Dirty But It’s Not, a Golf Channel commentator got animated with an illustration of a hole on the course, which I guess the Tonight Show misinterpreted.
Tonight Show: New Retirement Age
With human longevity improving, according to a new German study, 72 is the new 30. “The bad news: the new retirement age is 108,” Jay said. I guess that accounts for Leno’s job security. Of course, Lindsay Lohan is the exception that proves the rule: “30 is starting to look like 72.”
Katie Couric recently gave away some of her wardrobe to the Dress For Success charity, and Jay showed a doctored clip of the girl in a revealing outfit that supposedly belonged to Couric.