The Tonight Show: Bakersfield Illiteracy & US Snowstorms
Jay Leno’s guest list included Richard Roeper, but first he joked about this week’s US snowstorms and the ever-increasing gas prices, as well as how Al Qaeda can avoid being struck by US drones.
Tonight Show: Al Qaeda Drones
Al Qaeda has made a list of 22 ways its members can avoid US drone attacks. Jay Leno said the best way is not to join Al Qaeda in the first place.
Since the legalization of marijuana in Washington state and Colorado, the United Food and Commercial Workers Union has seen more than 3,000 marijuana dispensary workers signing up. He joked that they could not remember the union chants or demands.
The Tonight Show: US Snowstorms & $5 Gas
A California chill is nothing compared to the snowstorms in 18 US states this week. “It is so cold in Texas, oil company executives are actually happy at the prospect of burning in hell,” Leno said.
Gas in California has hit $5 per gallon. Jay said that the attendant near his house is also trained in anger management. “Lindsay Lohan is now forced to choose between drinking OR driving,” Leno said of the price increases.
Jay Leno: Your Local News
In a clip from a Waterloo, Iowa, newscast, a newscaster was caught off guard when a report ended early and he was talking on the phone while on camera.
Leno can’t stop talking about the woman who hired dancers for her teenage son’s birthday party. He felt that the other parents would have a hard time following that party.
The Tonight Show: Bakersfield Illiteracy
For the second year running, Bakersfield, California, is the least literate city in the country. According to a joke video from Jay, the signs were obvious because everything around the city is misspelled.
The first Woolworth’s Five and Dime opened on this day in 1879. The company eventually went out of business in 1997, because they were “nickel and dimed to death.”
Tonight Show: Mike Stefanik Rant
Racecar driver Mike Stefanik gave a cantankerous post-race interview recently after his 13th place finish, using words that cannot be repeated on TV. In his defense, Leno said that he just has a flat personality, showing off footage of him from other events such as winning the lottery with the same dejected expression.