Today Show: Lack Of Trust Ruins Relationships
Bringing back a relationship from the brink of falling apart is not easy to do, especially for one couple, Amy and Bob, who have been together for eight years but have some serious trust and fear issues that have developed over the years.
Amy said she first met Bob at a restaurant but there were some complications right from the start. Bob was still married and as much as Amy knew she shouldn’t continue with the relationship, she said there was something there telling her to keep going. When Bob got divorced and asked Amy if they should start dating, she knew there would be trust issues. She said she has this fear all the time that he will cheat on her, that he will betray her trust. But for Bob, he said infidelity is a mistake he would never make agin.
Amy also said she sometimes tries to sabotage the relationship. She tells Bob they should break it off when the going is good or she threatens to leave him for no good reason, only saying she knows he can find better woman out there. Amy wants to stop, she said. She wants to trust Bob fully but she doesn’t know how or if she would be able too.
Today Show: Gary Neuman Relationship Advice
Gary Neuman, a family counselor who invented the Neuman Method: Creating Your Best Marriage, said the relationship Amy and Bob have has a lot of common denominators to many of the couples he sees all the time.
Nurture Emotional Relationship
His first bit of advice for Amy and Bob, and anyone else with relationship problems, was to nurture the emotional end of the realtionship. He cited statistics showing seven percent of cheating men said they cheated for the love making while 48 percent of the men said they cheated because they wanted the emotional connection. He said nurturing the emotions will build back the trust.
Don’t Mix the Past and Present Relationships
Another bit of advice from Neuman was to not allow the past and the present to mix. He revealed that Amy is the product of divorce and she had been divorced herself as well, which reminds us that childhood counts in a relationship. But we need to stop letting the past mix with the present according to Neuman.
“Keep it real and keep it in the present,” he said.
Anger Is a Sign Of a Relationship On the Brink
Neuman said one tell-tale sign of a relationship on the brink is a lot of anger. He said couples will become angry with each other and blame it on other factors and then make amends with the problem telling themselves it will be better in five years. Nueman said it will not be better in five years. You need to work on the relationship today in order for it to work tomorrow.
Today Show: Gary Neuman Tips For a Failing Relationship
If your relationship is already falling apart, Nueman suggested the following ways to get it back to where it needs to be:
- Spend uninterrupted time talking – Turn off the cellphones and spend time talking about anything other than kids, work and money.
- Show more appreciation – Just appreciating someone is different than loving them. They know you love them, but they want you to be thankful you have them.
- Date nights – Have a date night at least once a week.