Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As Lincoln


Late Show: Presidents’ Day Top 10

Before getting into the night’s holiday Top 10 list, the Late Show had a special message from Carnival Cruises. Then it was on to some fun with an Abraham Lincoln impersonator.

David Letterman: Carnival Cruises CEO

Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As Lincoln

For Presidents’ Day, Late Show with David Letterman counted down the top 10 things you don’t want to hear from a guy dressed as Abraham Lincoln.


Through the years, David Letterman said that he sometimes gets forgotten about when it comes to major interviews. But Carnival Cruises supposedly called him to ask if the CEO could make a statement on the Late Show.

The actor portraying Jim Keyes, the Carnival CEO, said that passengers would at least have a great story to tell, and that the company is proud to be “dysentery-free for five straight years.”

Late Show: Carnival Cruise Coupon

Fake CEO Jim Keyes offered a coupon for $12 off a Carnival Cruise, and suggested rerouting ships so that they are never more than 1000 feet from shore. I think that creates some other problems.


What do you think about the Carnival Triumph situation? Have you cruised before? Did the saga change your opinion of cruises as a vacation?

Late Show Top 10: Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Guy Dressed As Abraham Lincoln

Presidents Day is a holiday combination of Abraham Lincoln’s birthday and George Washington’s birthday. Dave was confused about whether Presidents Day celebrated all the presidents, or if it is just in honor of those two.

  • 10. How about you and I form a more perfect union?
  • 9. Who wants to touch my beard?
  • 8. Daniel Day-Lewis wishes he looked this good.
  • 7. Is it true Bloomberg outlawed hats over 16 ounces?
  • 6. Girl, you make Mary Todd look like Ulysses S. Grant.
  • 5. Does the $5 bill make me look fat?
  • 4. Wow, I thought my clothing was outdated.
  • 3. It’s Presidents’ Day. How about a hug?
  • 2. Hey, where’s my idiot son, Abraham W. Lincoln?
  • 1. Hey, jackass, you going to thank me for the day off?


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