Late Show: Top 10 Questions To Ask Before Attempting To Live To 150

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Late Show: Calling The Conclave

Before the night’s top 10 list about advances in aging and longevity that mean you could live to 150, Dave picked up his trusty salmon-colored phone, which could only mean it was time for one of his phone call gags. It’s all about the execution, so I was hoping this would go well. I was very wrong.

He claimed he was dialing the conclave of cardinals who are in the process of selecting a new pope. The man who answered had a gruff voice and a demeanor to match.

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David Letterman: Joe Pesci Pope?

Late Show: Top 10 Questions To Ask Before Attempting To Live To 150

Cardinals in Rome are gathered to choose a new pope. New medical advances mean their choice could live to age 150. (Rostislav Glinsky / Shutterstock.com)

Someone who sounded sort of like Larry King got on the speakerphone and said that someone voted for Joe Pesci. Meanwhile, the gang did agree on the opinion that Kate Hudson was attractive.

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Then I’m not sure what happened, but someone offstage directed Dave to restart the segment and do the phone call over again, since it had been disconnected. If this was a retake, why was the original call left in?

Late Show: Conclave Fever

Dave said that New York has conclave fever as the voting process is underway. He dialed the number again. That time, someone honked a horn over the phone and things went awry a second time.

He was forced to start the segment from the beginning once again. The glamour of television continued, as Dave repeated his patter about this fake phone call a third time.

“If this doesn’t work, I go right to the cyanide capsule,” he joked. “Even the phone knows it’s not funny.”

David Letterman: New Pope Phone Call

This time, the connection seemed to be more successful. I really have no idea why they did it a third time, since it went the same as the first. Dave did not seem pleased with the outcome, but why should he be? That really made no sense.

Late Show: Top 10 Questions To Ask Before Attempting To Live To 150

Letterman also shared the promise of drugs on the horizon that could help people slow the aging process and live to age 150. These could be on the market within the next five years. That inspired tonight’s top 10 list: questions to ask yourself before attempting to live to 150?

  • 10. Do I want to put off retirement until I’m 138?
  • 9. Am I that desperate to see Die Hard 30?
  • 8. Is 150 really the new 140?
  • 7. Can I keep this a secret from my wife?
  • 6. Can I get back the deposit on my cemetery plot?
  • 5. Will I have enough Viagra?
  • 4. Do I mind outliving the planet?
  • 3. How many colonoscopies is too many colonoscopies?
  • 2. Will I end up looking like Larry King?
  • 1. An extra half-century of incontinence? What’s the catch?

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