David Letterman: Vibrating Desk & Top 10 Pope Benedict Achievements

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David Letterman: Vibrating Desk & Pope Benedict

Before interviewing Alec Baldwin, Dave remarked on Jennifer Lawrence’s legal options after her Oscars tumble, showed off his vibrating desk, and listed Pope Benedict’s Top 10 achievements.

Late Show: Jennifer Lawrence & Daniel Day-Lewis

David Letterman: Vibrating Desk & Top 10 Pope Benedict Achievements

On the Late Show, David Letterman paid tribute to the outgoing pontiff by counting down the Top 10 Pope Benedict achievements. (miqu77 / Shutterstock.com)

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Argo won the award for best picture in the 2013 Academy Awards. Jennifer Lawrence won the best actress trophy for Silver Linings Playbook, and she tripped on the steps as she made her way to the stage.

No one came to her aid except Hugh Jackman, according to David Letterman. He said they were all upset that they did not win. At the very least, Dave said he predicted Lawrence would win.

He suggested that Lawrence come on the show to talk about her injuries. He thought she could have some lawsuit potential on her hands.

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Late Show: Daniel Day-Lewis My Left Foot

“Then Daniel Day-Lewis won for Nixon,” he said. I agree with Letterman that it is surprising that Day-Lewis is the first three-time winner.

Day-Lewis apparently was a guest on Letterman’s show back in his My Left Foot days. That has been a good while ago.

David Letterman: Vibrating Desk

Next, Letterman ran down his late night competition, including Jimmy Kimmel, Jay Leno, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, and even Carson Daly. Those are just the ones on at night, and then you have hall of famers like Oprah and Regis.

Dave said that you have to make your show stand out from the pack when you are competing with so many other talk shows. That is why he unveiled a new feature to set his show apart: a vibrating desk.

“Are you still watching?” Dave wondered as his desk rocked back and forth.

Late Show: Pope Top 10

I know there is a lot of pomp and circumstance surrounding the installation of a new pope, but is there a designated waiting period for how long a pope has to be in office before he can be targeted for jokes by late night talk shows?

David Letterman: Top 10 Pope Benedict Achievements

Though Dave keeps joking that the pope is being pushed out, the host said that His Holiness has accomplished quite a bit during his time in office. Here are the Late Show’s Top 10 Pope Benedict Achievements.

  • 10. Invented the vibrating desk.
  • 9. Designs new summer line of papal vestments.
  • 8. Announces Vatican’s two-for-one lobster Tuesdays.
  • 7. Invents rechargeable pope hat.
  • 6. Departs St. Peter’s Square via jet pack.
  • 5. Makes historic trip to Mexico
  • 4. Serves as judge on “Vatican City’s Got Talent.”
  • 3. Releases best-selling iPad app, Angry Popes.
  • 2. Host of his own game show, “Poper Stumpers.”
  • 1. Performs first miracle: turning bread into toast.

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