Late Show: Subway Sandwich Length & Manti Te’O Imaginary Girlfriend

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Late Show: Manti Te’O & Subway Lawsuits

Letterman’s monologue focused on Manti Te’O and the disputed Subway sandwich length that is now the stuff of lawsuits. Plus, Dave talked to Mike & Molly star Melissa McCarthy.

David Letterman: Stop and Frisk

Letterman said that he was “wearing a pair of those Hillary Clinton double vision glasses.” He also said that it was once legal for New York City police officers to stop and frisk random pedestrians.

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The Stop and Frisk law is being taken off the books, but there are also X-ray machines on street corners. “You can get a hot dog from a vendor and immediately get a colonoscopy,” he joked.

Late Show: Subway Sandwich Length & Manti Te'O Imaginary Girlfriend

David Letterman joked about the lawsuit over footlong Subway sandwich length coming up short and the Manti Te’O fake girlfriend saga that unfolded on TV. (Brendan Howard / Shutterstock.com)

The X-ray machines were supposed to determine whether someone is carrying a weapon, which would eliminate a job for Superman. Dave said he liked the idea of the X-ray machines, but is not a fan of contrast dye.

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Late Show: NFL Films Super Bowl Highlights

The Super Bowl was a big day for the Harbaugh family, as two brothers coached opposing teams for what was probably the first time. The Super Bowl game started at 6:30 p.m. on CBS, though pre-game coverage started around Labor Day, according to Dave.

He suggested that the NFL season be reduced to highlights, like on NFL Films. To prove it, he shared a video of a woman hemming her pants, along with an orchestral score and breathless narration.

David Letterman: Footlong Subway Sandwich Length

The sandwich chain Subway was in trouble recently because its footlong sandwiches are shorter than 12”. Now the company has been forced to apologize, which Dave said happens to the best of us.

A New Jersey man sued the chain over the false advertising regarding his sandwich. Letterman suspected that the man behind the case was Governor Chris Christie.

Late Show: Manti Te’O Imaginary Girlfriend

College football player Manti Te’O has been in the headlines recently. The Notre Dame linebacker found out that he was in an online relationship with a woman who did not exist.

Dave said that the Republicans should have used this “imaginary voter” strategy to get Romney elected as president. Manti Te’O talked to Katie Couric, and the man behind his fake girlfriend spoke with Dr Phil.

“You have a guy pretending to be a girlfriend, talking to a guy pretending to be a doctor,” he observed.

David Letterman: Women In Combat

Women can now serve in combat in the United States military, thanks to a 2013 decision. “Finally, there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions,” Letterman joked.

Rick Santorum was displeased with this turn of events, predicting that next women will want the right to vote.

Late Show: Beyonce Lip Syncing

Superstar singer Beyonce was recently caught lip syncing at the inauguration, which ignited a lot of controversy. But according to Letterman, “for eight years, we had a president who was lip syncing Dick Cheney.”

A recent 60 Minutes profile featured a joint interview with President Barack Obama and outgoing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Correspondent Steve Kroft performed the interview.

In a clip, the Late Show staff used music to create the impression of a romantic relationship between the two former co-workers.

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