Late Show: New Pope & Giant Rats
Letterman had the latest on newly elected Pope Francis, soda sizes, and New York City’s giant rats in his monologue.
David Letterman: Pope Francis Elected
Did you ever realize that Paul Shaffer has about seven full keyboards in his setup with the CBS Orchestra? At least that’s how many I counted tonight. What do you think each of the different keyboards is for?
Dave led with the day’s big story: the election of Jorge Mario Bergoglio as the new Pope Francis. He joked that Bergoglio was a former relief pitcher for the New York Yankees.
“The last Pope Francis was Frank Sinatra,” he said. Of course, the ceremonial white smoke signified the election of a new pope. “Smoke is still coming out of his hat.”
Late Show: Vatican Chimney Smoke
Letterman said he is still excited about the Papal Conclave. He said that even non-Catholics get excited about the prospect of smoke coming from the Vatican chimney. “White smoke means we have a white pope,” he explained.
But on the day before a pope was chosen, the first ballots resulted in no decision and black smoke. “It’s not the first dark cloud hanging over the Vatican,” Dave said.
David Letterman: NYC Soda Sizes
Don’t forget that you can still buy a giant soda in New York City, after proposed regulations were overturned in court. When is the last time you had a Mountain Dew? What size soda do you usually get?
Airplanes taking off from JFK Airport in the New York area will be powered by cooking oil, according to David Letterman. He saw an opportunity for synergy: “Popeye’s now is frying their chicken in jet fuel.”
Late Show: Paul Ryan Healthcare
Politics is the story that never ends. Dave mentioned Paul Ryan, the former Republican vice presidential candidate. He is currently the House Budget Chairman, and Dave showed a video in which he promised that “we’re not going to give up on destroying the healthcare system for the American people.”
Speaking of health and giant sodas, Twinkies are on the rebound, after Hostess went out of business. Dave joked that it was once again Dennis Rodman who saved the day. In reality, he was in Rome, waiting for the pope to be chosen.
David Letterman: New York City Jumbo Rats
New York City has a problem with “jumbo rats,” according to Letterman, who suggested that the city should be trying birth control to manage the population, but it sounds like rat compliance is an issue.
His suggestion was to make the rats get married if we want them to stop getting frisky and creating countless new rats.
Late Show: Pope Benedict Corona Commercial
Dave said that he gets a lot of questions from people on the street. Sometimes they wonder what happened to Pope Benedict, who recently stepped down from his post as the head of the Catholic Church.
The Late Show found footage of him on a beach in a Corona commercial, which concluded with the slogan “Pope responsibly.”