David Letterman: Coffee Infused with Marijuana & Rob Ford Running for Reelection
David Letterman talked about how they’re making coffee infused with marijuana. Letterman said it’s a crazy time to be alive. Letterman said Rob For won’t be satisfied unless it’s crack in coffee though. He’s actually running for reelection. One of the other candidates is a professional clown. Letterman made a great point when he said, “Do you vote for the professional clown, or do you vote for the professional clown?” It’s a tough choice! There are so many great options!
Late Show: White House Press Secretary Jay Carney Resigned
Jay Carney, the White House Press Secretary, recently resigned. That’s a tough job. He’s had it almost three years. Letterman was great when he said it’s tough because, “You have to go out every day and lie to the press.” It’s just like Letterman’s job! Letterman played a clip called “Jay Carney Last Week/This Week.” Last week he was White House Press Secretary, now he’s Waffle House Press Secretary. They played clips of him talking behind both podiums.
David Letterman: California Chrome
Letterman showed the California Chrome playoff beard again.
Late Show: Elements of a Successful Tom Cruise Movie
Letterman’s excited for the new Tom Cruise movie Edge of Tomorrow. There are three elements in the movie that you can always see in a Tom Cruise movie. Letterman had some trouble saying it was a “formula for success.” The elements are explosions, aliens, and a leading lady in flats. It’s because he’s short.
David Letterman: Politician Sleep-Off
They played “politician sleep-off” again. It was Bill Clinton versus Joe Biden. It was a really close one, but Biden took the cake. Letterman said that Clinton should protest that because there was a woman behind Biden who was sleeping too, so there might have been a gas leak. He played it again.
Late Show Top Ten: Top Ten Quotes From Ineffective Locker Room Pep Talks
Letterman did the Top Ten. It was the Top Ten quotes from ineffective locker room pep talks. They did it for the Stanley Cup. It’s a big deal. Plus it’s the NBA finals. The Top Ten were:
- 10. Is anybody else here hungover?
- 9. I’m sure you’re all wondering why this dog is wearing a uniform.
- 8. You might feel a slight pinch when the needle goes in.
- 7. It’s good shrimp—have some.
- 6. Let me explain my philosophy about eyeglasses.
- 5. Guys, you look sexy as hell out there.
- 4. Gentlemen, tonight we cheat.
- 3. In the words of Donald Sterling…
- 2. One more work out, Obama style.
- 1. There’s a game today?
Check out the video here: