David Letterman: Vatican City March Madness & The Bible Vice Satan

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David Letterman: Pope Francis & Lindsay Lohan

Dave joked about the Pope Francis Inauguration, Lindsay Lohan heading to rehab, and The Bible’s Vice Satan.

Late Show: Lindsay Lohan Rehab

How is the weather where you are? It was 46 and cloud in New York City, “like Lindsay Lohan,” according to Dave. The actress was back in court this week and has been sent to lockdown rehab for a 90-day program.

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David Letterman: Vatican City March Madness & The Bible Vice Satan

David Letterman joked about the Vice Satan lookalike in History Channel’s The Bible miniseries and explained why even the new pope has March Madness. (Jason and Bonnie Grower / Shutterstock.com)

The 90 days may not seem like a long time, but a lot can happen during that period. Dave kindly compiled a list of some of the things she will miss during her stint in rehab, including the Poorly-Guarded Jewelry Expo with an open bar. Maybe she can catch it next year.

David Letterman: Pope Francis Inauguration

Pope Francis was inaugurated early Tuesday in Rome, with world leaders coming together for the occasion. Somehow Dennis Rodman probably slipped in there as well.

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Letterman also joked that everyone focused on the pope’s wife’s bangs at the ceremony. Pope Francis called for compassion upon the less fortunate and Carnival Cruise passengers.

The pope is known to be a humble man. For example, Dave said he gets his red shoes from Payless. You can also apparently see the previous pope on Pawn Stars, trying to hawk his own red slippers.

Late Show: The Bible Vice Satan

The History Channel miniseries The Bible is a ratings hit on cable. There has been some question about whether the actor playing Satan looks like President Obama. “The guy who plays Vice Satan” looks like Joe Biden, according to a photo shown on the Late Show.

Republicans have been wondering why they lost the 2012 election, and the lengthy report concluded that the party “is perceived as being rich, stuffy old white guys.”

John McCain’s response, according to Dave? “Screw you! Get off of my lawn.”

David Letterman: Vatican City March Madness

March Madness is coming to CBS very, very soon. Dave showed a video proving that everyone has March Madness, even the pope, who caught a basketball and threw it back into the crowd in Vatican City.

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