David Letterman: Government Sequester & Pope Benedict Retirement

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Late Show: US Sequester & Pope Benedict

On his show tonight, David Letterman spoke with comedy legend Joan Rivers. But first, the Late Show reflected on Pope Benedict’s retirement and the impending government sequester.

David Letterman: Government Sequester

The government sequester continues to loom, even though Dave said he is not sure what it all means. Meanwhile, there are new portraits of the White House top staff, but Letterman said he is not wild about Joe Biden’s bangs.

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Letterman recalled a portrait of former Vice President Dick Cheney, and he said the eyes in the painting would follow you as you moved.

Late Show: Pope Benedict Retirement

David Letterman: Government Sequester & Pope Benedict Retirement

David Letterman’s monologue focused on the impending government sequester and this week’s official retirement by Pope Benedict from the Catholic Church. (miqu77 / Shutterstock.com)

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This week marks the end of Pope Benedict’s time as pope. “They caught him stealing communion wafers,” Dave said.

Since the church is on a campaign to modernize, this is an opportunity for them, according to the Late Show. That may mean putting the choice for pope in the hands of the people.

Letterman said he was surprised to learn that the pope position is unpaid. “That must drive his wife crazy,” he joked.

The pope’s last day in office is Thursday, and his vestments will be turned over to the church. “The same thing happened to me when I left NBC,” Dave said.

Even the Pope’s personal seal will be destroyed. “I was hoping they would give it to Marineland or something,” he joked.

David Letterman: Dancing With The Stars

ABC has announced the new cast list for an upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. “I was confused. I thought the sequester eliminated that,” he said. I doubt we’ll see a late night talk show host on the dance floor anytime soon.

Once Fidel Castro stepped down from office in Cuba, he handed the reins to Raoul, the current leader. “He will be replaced by his idiot son, Raoul W. Castro,” Letterman said.

Late Show: Get To Know The Sequester

If you are still confused and scared about the coming sequester, Dave had an illustration. The Lincoln statue could be laid off from the Lincoln Memorial if the sequester takes effect.

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