David Letterman: Flu Vaccine Shortage & Noisiest City New York

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Late Show: Flu Vaccine & Lindsay Lohan

The Late Show reflected on the 2013 flu vaccine shortage and Lindsay Lohan. Later, Dave talked to actress Jennifer Lawrence.

David Letterman: Cold Vs Flu

Dave explained the difference between a cold and a flu. According to his doctor, it is “about $80.” That is at least an honest answer.

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David Letterman: Flu Vaccine Shortage & Noisiest City New York

New York has been declared America’s nosiest city. (Songquan Deng / Shutterstock.com)

Letterman said that everyone encouraged him to get a flu shot, but he said he has never been sick. He said that he thought his flu shot was interacting with his propofol. His doctor’s office visit included the physician who “palpated my glands.”

Late Show: Flu Vaccine Shortage

David Letterman said that he now constantly feels like he is about to sneeze. When he finally did sneeze, it is a good thing that the first row of the audience had a plastic tarp to cover themselves with.

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Now there is a rumored flu vaccine shortage, but Dave said he is not buying it. In a news video supposedly from the Centers for Disease Control, those who cannot obtain the vaccine should inject themselves with root beer instead.

That is not medical advice, and you should not do it. Root beer should only be consumed through your mouth, in liquid form, preferably under two scoops of ice cream in a frosty mug.

David Letterman: Noisiest City New York

Did you know that New York City is the noisiest city in America, where even the rats suffer from hearing loss. It might even drown out the voices in his head, which Dave said come from the ladies of The View.

During a routine cleaning in Central Park, officials discovered a loaded Revolutionary War cannon. That made Dave question how routine the cleaning actually was if it had been overlooked for so long.

Late Show: Lindsay Lohan Court Appearance

The loaded cannon was returned to Iran’s space program, Letterman said. “The only thing that’s been loaded longer is Lindsay Lohan.”

Lindsay Lohan was recently back in court for a 20th appearance. Dave joked that she has her own locker at the courthouse.

David Letterman: President Obama Half-Brother

President Obama has a half-brother who lives in Kenya. The half-brother is running for governor, but “his opponents claim he was born in Hawaii.”

David Letterman: Hyundai Car Technology

Humans driving cars leads to nothing but trouble. It’s a good thing, then, that Hyundai has invented car technology that drives based on your gestures. Dave said that he hoped this new invention would work better than automatic faucets.

Late Show: Kleenex with Chicken Soup

Dave also said that he found a new product that will help fight cold and flu once and for all: Kleenex with chicken soup, which can be found “in your grocer’s wet paper aisle.”

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