David Letterman: Asteroid Day & Bruce Willis A Good Day To Die Hard

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Late Show: President’s Day Weekend

Let the weekend of silly sales begin! It’s President’s Day weekend. You can always tell it’s a party when Mount Rushmore pulls out their giant party hats.

Late Show: Bruce Willis Good Day To Die Hard  

David Letterman: Asteroid Day & Bruce Willis A Good Day To Die Hard

You can catch Bruce Willis chasing after bad guys in A Good Day To Die Hard this weekend. (s_bukley / Shutterstock.com)

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While he may be timeless to you, Bruce Willis isn’t as young as he once was. His Hollywood action flick A Good Day To Die Hard opens this weekend and it is the fifth Die Hard film. David Letterman heard the title and thought it was a movie about Hugh Hefner’s honeymoon. In any case, Letterman is looking forward to seeing Willis chase down the bad guys and beat them with his walker.

David Letterman: Daily Double

That sound means it’s time for the daily double. Letterman thought he could wager on the next joke and double his money.

“The Late Show. Repurposing elements of other television programs since 1993.”

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Late Show: Yankees Spring Training

It’s time again to start looking towards baseball season. The Yankees opened their spring training camp this week. Yesterday the pitchers, catchers and anti-aging quacks reported to camp. Tomorrow, the over paid disappointments will be showing up. Campe is off to a flying start.

New this season, the Yankees could implement a five man rotation. This move was inspired by the lovely Taylor Swift.

Late Show: Iconic Kisses Through History

To celebrate Valentines Day, Letterman’s staff put together a montage of the most iconic kisses in history. You had the raw emotion of Casalanca, the romance of From Here To Eternity, and finally the romance that overcame all odds: TLC’s My Strange Addiction. Who didn’t tear up when that man kissed his car?

Late Show: Asteroid Day

Today an asteroid came 17,000 miles close to Earth. While this seems like a big gap, it’s still closer than the republicans and the democrats.

Late Show: Holy Watergate

The Pope has handed in his resignation. Letterman hopes there’s no trouble with his boss. One day you’re the Pope and the next you’re escorted out by security. There will still be a big goodbye planned for Pope Benedict. The Vatican City Olive Garden has been rented out and he’s looking forward to the endless breadsticks.

Letterman mentioned that his time as Pope was not free from scandal. Who could forget Holy Watergate? The Pope said it was just time to retire and his health was a big factor in the decision. It might be that his neck is sore from looking the other way.

David Letterman: Emails From George W. Bush

A group of people in China hacked into former president George W. Bush’s email. A friend of Letterman’s sent him one of the emails that the Chinese got.

“DEAR MICROSOFT, SOMEHOW I’VE TURNED ON THE CAPITAL LETTERS AND NOW I CAN’T TURN THEM OFF. WHAT’S THE SECRET? W.”

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