David Letterman: Albert Einstein Birthday & Hugo Chavez Embalmed?

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Late Show: Albert Einstein & Conclave

David Letterman’s monologue included Albert Einstein’s birthday, this year’s conclave elections for Pope Francis, and Proctor & Gamble’s latest cereal idea.

David Letterman: Pope Francis Hotel

Newly elected Pope Francis is a man of the people who even checked himself out of the hotel where he was staying. Dave said he also gave his first speech in Latin, because “everybody’s after the Latin vote.”

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David Letterman: Albert Einstein Birthday & Hugo Chavez Embalmed?

David Letterman observed Albert Einstein’s birthday, talked about the newly elected Pope Francis and addressed rumors that Hugo Chavez was embalmed. (Georgios Kollidas / Shutterstock.com)

We know a few personal facts about Pope Francis. Letterman said he is 76 years old and has one lung. “It was nice of the cardinals to elect an interim pope,” he joked.

Late Show: Conclave Elections

Sadly, Conclave 2013 has come to an end very quickly. I think Dave is disappointed that he did not get much use out of his graphic for the occasion. The elections took place in under 24 hours.

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“It took a year to replace Regis,” he said, as a point of comparison.

Pope Francis said he is against priests getting married, “but probably as a test, he’ll let a couple of them date.”

David Letterman: Hugo Chavez Embalmed?

In the East River in New York City, a dolphin was spotted swimming. The host wondered what the animal was doing there, since these are supposed to be such intelligent animals.

Venezuela considered embalming the late Hugo Chavez to put his body on display. Instead, they ended up going with burial. That just leaves Barry Manilow, according to Letterman.

Late Show: Proctor & Gamble Cereal

The TSA is beginning to loosen up its safety rules, allowing pocket knives onboard planes. I have a couple questions about this: who carries a pocket knife, and what would you need one for during a flight?

Dave said Proctor & Gamble is to blame for something going wrong in the world–namely, a cereal designed to increase one’s prowess in the bedroom. That sounds like a strange delivery method, and Letterman predicted that we are doomed as a result.

David Letterman: Albert Einstein Birthday

Letterman noted the passing of Albert Einstein’s birthday. He said that this was his childhood nickname.

Excitement over the new pope continues, according to Dave. The excitement in Vatican Square was contagious. In response, CBS has developed a new pope-themed show.

Green smoke can only mean it is time for Hulk Pope, coming this fall on CBS.

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