David Letterman: Airport Security Pool Cues & Bloomberg Soda Ban

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Late Show: Soda Ban & Airport Security

The night’s monologue from David Letterman covered the proposed Bloomberg soda ban, new airport security pool cues rules, and a potential threat from North Korea.

David Letterman: Daylight Saving Time

This is the groggiest day of the year, according to Dave, since Daylight Saving Time has just begun. He said he could not remember which way to set his clocks. Don’t the majority of your clocks all set themselves by now?

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During his monologue, someone came from backstage to reset the clock. Unfortunately for Dave, it had already been taken care of. “I just thought I could get us out of here a little quicker,” the man said.

Late Show: Bloomberg Soda Ban

David Letterman: Airport Security Pool Cues & Bloomberg Soda Ban

David Letterman joked about airport security regulations that allow passengers to bring pool cues on plans and the latest on the Bloomberg soda ban.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was a guest on Letterman’s show, which was good timing since his soda regulations were overturned by a judge that same day.

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“It was getting so bad, the crack dealers were selling Sprite,” Dave said of the proposed regulation of 16-ounce beverages.

Late Show: Airport Security Pool Cues

Airport security is changing once again. Letterman wondered whether people took it personally when they were not patted down.

Now you can carry a pocket knife onboard commercial aircraft. At least you can pass the time in the terminal by whittling, as Dave noted. Now the rules also allow you to bring your pool cue on the plane.

“This is great news. If you’re a knife-wielding pool hustler, you’re back in business,” he said.

David Letterman: North Korea Vs South Korea

Kim Jong-Un is contemplating a future attack on South Korea, despite a treaty after the Korean War. Does that mean the United States will once again find itself at war?

Dave said that he might have to sell his vacation home in Pyongyang. Dennis Rodman is probably to blame for all of this, after his supposed goodwill visit there recently.

Late Show: Papal Conclave

Hugo Chavez has died. The former leader of Venezuela “could be decided by the Latino vote,” Letterman joked.

Meanwhile, in Vatican City, it is time to select a new pope. If Dave’s footage is to be believed, the cardinals arrive by skydiving into Rome in a group formation.

David Letterman: New Pope Conclave Smoke

Now, Pope Benedict has retired and Dave said it turned out he was being portrayed by Daniel Day-Lewis the entire time.

The conclave ceremony is very deliberate and intensive. You have to look at the photos and judge candidates based on how they might look in a hat. Once a new pope is chosen, white smoke will appear above the Vatican, just like when “they choose a new Kardashian husband.”

Late Show: Tiger Woods Cadillac Championship

Tiger Woods has another victory, this time at the WGC Cadillac Championship, despite hooking one of his shots into a tree. In exclusive Late Show footage, the ball knocked a coconut loose from a palm tree on the course.

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