Jimmy Kimmel: Justin Bieber & David Hasselhoff
Tensions came to a head in Jimmy Kimmel’s standoff with the German government over Justin Bieber’s monkey. Plus, does Iran really have a time machine, and would Margaret Thatcher ever really have gone to Coachella 2013? Here is what you missed on Kimmel.
Jimmy Kimmel Live: US-German Relations
Jimmy Kimmel said that his episode tonight could be a turning point in US-German relations, as the Justin Bieber monkey crisis comes to a head. After two weeks of negotiations, Kimmel was prepared to take action.
Bieber’s monkey, Mally, has been held captive at a German animal shelter for the past 15 days. That is why Kimmel threatened to “off the Hoff” if the money was not returned by midnight Thursday.
In a video message, David Hasselhoff talked about being tied and bound in a hotel room since being abducted by Kimmel’s associates. But then, Hasselhoff broke free from his bondage and threatened to get revenge on the talk show host.
“Based on what I know from watching Baywatch, he runs in slow motion,” Kimmel said, so he was not too concerned.
Jimmy Kimmel: Iran Time Machine
In Iran, government scientists claim they have developed a time machine. “Maybe they’re saying they finally figured out how to make a clock,” Jimmy suggested.
Their time traveling machine is supposed to be able to predict life events up to eight years in the future, with 98% accuracy. This could lead to better movies, such as the Iranian version of Back To The Future, called Back To The Fatwah.
Jimmy Kimmel Live: Coachella 2013
Coachella is getting started this weekend in the California desert. About 650,000 guests are expected at the festival which is “being sponsored by do-rags and peyote.” I guess you don’t want to miss the hologram of Tupac.
Ex-congressman Anthony Weiner may run for NYC mayor. In Los Angeles, the local news provided an unintentional joke about the situation, saying that “his Twitter scandal exploded in his face.”
Jimmy Kimmel: Digital Textbooks
College students, listen up: teachers at nine universities are able to track whether you are reading your digital textbooks. Spoiler alert: your students are not doing the assigned reading.
Back in the day, Kimmel said you could tell whether kids did the reading by quizzing them on it.
Jimmy Kimmel Live: Hawaii Tuna Fisherman
In Hawaii, a man caught a tuna, but a shark wanted his catch of the day. Fishing seems like it is either boring or alarming. I guess there isn’t a whole lot of middle ground.
Jimmy Kimmel: North Korea Pedestrian Question
With so many big news stories in the headlines this week, Kimmel came up with a convoluted query for his Pedestrian Question. Observe:
Do you think Margaret Thatcher’s absence at Coachella is beneficial in terms of North Korea’s decision to launch a nuclear weapon?
Jimmy Kimmel Live: Coachella Confusing Question
There is no question people will not try to answer to be on TV. The first woman had the authenticity to at least be flummoxed by the question.
A reasonable-looking adult suggested that “a woman should be there.” A man said that he did not fundamentally understand the question.
Then it got simplified to “why did Iran kill Margaret Thatcher?” Even that stumped people, but one woman with sunglasses suspected that “jealousy” was the motivation.
Jimmy Kimmel: Margaret Thatcher & Coachella
A woman with pink hair who looked like the Coachella demographic just laughed through the follow-up questions about the topic. “I would say anything’s possible,” she concluded.
These confusing questions are the best, though it does make me wonder about our future if this is a sample of the voting population.