Ellen Dance Dare Winners
Ellen said that although she had “so many submissions” to her Dance Dare competition, five participants “went above and beyond.” She aired a video montage of the Ellen Dance Dare Winners dancing in public. It was really funny.
They were especially good at dancing very comically within close proximity of strangers without being caught. The best moments were when the dancers would be dancing very obnoxiously but then act nonchalant as soon as the stranger started to turn around.
“I said whoever won would get to come to the show but how can I pick when they’re all so good?” Ellen asked the crowd as she invited all five Ellen Dance Dare Winners onstage.
“Did you ever get nervous doing that?” she asked the five finalists.
“I just had fun and that’s what we went out to do,” one of the finalists said. “If people caught me, I would just try to pull them into it too.”
One of the contestants said that sometimes people thought they were crazy for dancing so emphatically in public without music.
“We need more crazy like that!” Ellen said. “People dancing everywhere!”
Ellen: Oh Puh-lice
Ellen aired her latest installment of “Oh Puh-lice.” She said that the segment consisted of very comical but real from various local newspapers. The reports are found by fans and submitted to Ellen.
The first police report was of a woman who called the police to “report that pudding was stolen from her refrigerator.”
The second was a report that “a building was found on the 2300 block of Durham road during a routing building check.” The third one was “a woman riding her bike called police to report hearing what sounded like a raccoon sneeze or a zipper.”
“If the raccoon was getting undressed, it could have been both,” Ellen said.
The fourth police report was “a woman living on South Slope Way reported a huge gang fight outside her home. Officers discovered it was actually a football game.”
Ellen Classic Joke Monday: George Washington
“Tony, it’s a big day,” Ellen said to her DJ, Tony. “Not only is it Memorial Day, it’s Classic Joke Monday!”
Today’s joke was true to form by being ridiculously cheesy.
“Where did George Washington keep his armies?” Ellen asked. “In his sleevies!”
Everyone seemed to get a kick out of that.
Ellen Shop 15% Off Sale
Ellen announced that her online shop was having a 15% sale for Memorial Day. She started grabbing items that were fans could shop for on the site, including t-shirts, sunglasses, and tennis balls.
“You know you’ve made it when you have your own balls,” Ellen said as she grabbed the tennis balls. “Here Tony I’m gonna hit one to you,” she said as she stood up from her seat with a tennis racket in hand. Tony stepped out from his DJ booth with a racket of his own and the two attempted to play tennis onstage.
The problem was that Tony was an awful tennis player. He struggled to hit any of the balls that Ellen hit to him and his serves were erratic. After a few moments, Ellen realized it was a lost cause and jokingly said, “Ok…I won.”