Ellen Bottled Water Review
When Ellen started her show, she started coughing heavily.
“I’m fine,” she said. “I just am choking.”
Then she gestured offstage for one of the crew members to bring her a bottle of water.
“Oh this is going to be on TMZ. Hold on,” she said and imagined the headline as “‘Ellen got water during the monologue.”
“Hmmm…Ellen water,” she said, because the bottle had her name written on it. “It tastes funny.”
Ellen: Funny YouTube Videos
Ellen shared some of her favorite funny videos from YouTube.
“I want to warn you ahead of time, I’m sorry for what you’re about to see,” she said.
The video was of an older couple dancing at an outdoor event. The woman’s pants fell down to her mid thighs, exposing her butt, and she fell backwards.
“You know the old saying, ‘What goes up must come down,'” Ellen said jokingly. “And then down again.”
Ellen: Beach Bubble YouTube Video
As she introduced the second video, Ellen said, “This is a woman at a beach and…I actually don’t know what she’s trying to do.”
The video showed a woman in a plastic bubble much akin to the balls that people sometimes buy for their hamsters. She was floating out on the water and every time she tried to stand up to run she fell over.
“Alright…well some blondes don’t have more fun,” Ellen said.
Ellen: Sweaty Soccer Player YouTube Video
The third video was of a Sweaty Soccer Player at a press conference. The video was cut such that you could see the soccer player at various times during the press conference. As it progressed, the soccer player got sweatier and sweatier until his entire shirt was soaked in sweat. Though he wasn’t speaking English, Ellen said she imagined he was saying, “Please, somebody, turn on the air conditioning.”
Rick Perry: Bad Lip Reading Video
The fourth and final video was from the group Bad Lip Reading. It was a montage of Rick Perry video clips in which the BLR crew muted the original audio and dubbed the video with audio that appeared to match Perry‘s lip movements.
“Save a pretzel for the gas jets!” Perry appeared to be saying in the video.
After the last video, Ellen looked at her DJ Tony and said, “Read my lips right now.” Then she mouthed the words, “MAKE ME DANCE.” Tony obliged by playing a song and Ellen danced up and down the audience.
Ellen Seriously I’m Kidding Review
“Tony, all week long I’ve been talking about my new book, Seriously…I’m Kidding, but I don’t want to talk about my new book, Seriously…I’m Kidding,” Ellen said. “Instead I’d like you to talk about it.”
“Seriously…I’m Kidding is a very funny book,” Tony said. “It’s a must-have.”
Ellen teased him that he forgot to mention the audiobook and all of the positive reviews it had received.
Ellen: Why Are Pumpkins So Expensive?
Due to poor pumpkin crops, Ellen said that pumpkins have been more expensive and she had suggestions for how to save money during the Halloween season.
“Right now in the Northeast, a medium sized pumpkin is going for $9.99,” she said. “Some vegetables are never short in supply, so why not carve a sweet potato?”
She lifted a bag to reveal a sweet potato she had carved into a jack-o-lantern. Aside from its strange thin oblong shape, it didn’t look too bad.
“We all have old furniture in our garage,” she said. “Why not put them to good use by carving a cushion?”
She lifted another bag to reveal a couch cushion she had painted orange and cut jack-o-lantern eyes and teeth out of.
The last item she showed was a jack-o-lantern carved out of a grandmother’s purse. “It’s full of scary scary things,” she said. “Extra scary things like grandma’s teeth!”