Ellen’s State of the Union
Ellen started her show by talking about President Barack Obama‘s impending State Of The Union Address.
“I’m going to try to catch that but there’s a Real Housewives marathon on so I don’t know,” she joked.
“I’m sure the president has a lot to talk about,” she said. “I’m sure mostly he’s going to talk about politics–BORING!”
Ellen said that there’s much more to talk about than politics, but the president probably wouldn’t have time to talk about it all.
Ellen: State Of The Union Address
“So I thought today would be the perfect day for me to deliver the Ellen DeGeneres Show ‘State of the Union Address,'” she said.
Then a podium was wheeled out for Ellen and she began delivering a speech that was meant to parody the president’s state of the union address.
“First, I want to start by reminding everyone that we live in a great nation,” she said. “But you know what make this nation even more greater? If people stop taking up two spaces when they park at the mall.”
The crowd cheered uproariously.
“It’s time for people of this nation to set aside our differences,” she said. “We must come together and we must realize that we are all equal. But I’ll tell you what’s not equal, people who order more food than you and drink more than you do and then they want to split the check with you. That’s not equal.”
Ellen: A Picture Is Worth $5,000
As part of her ongoing competition, “A Picture Is Worth $5,000,” Ellen showed a picture sent to her by a fan named Diana. THe picture was of Ellen laying on the ground with big glasses and a checkered handkerchief tied around her head.
“Diana, who are you that you have this picture of me?” Ellen asked.
Sitting in front of Ellen in the picture was a bottle of wine.
“You can’t see but I’m sure that bottle of wine is completely empty and that’s why I have a napkin on my head,” Ellen said.