Ellen: Shampoo Shopping
With so many stars booked on today’s show, it’s a wonder Ellen DeGeneres found time for a monologue, or even a theme song. But somehow she made time to talk about shopping for shampoo. Does anyone actually believe that Ellen has set foot in a store in years?
Ellen Talked About Grocery Shopping recently, and I kind of believed that. But she complained that there are too many choices in the shampoo world these days. She unveiled a display of dozens of shampoos from among the endless selection.
“I don’t know when they started making them with flavors,” she said, listing the scents of several varieties. “I don’t know if I should wash my hair or open a Jamba Juice.” Another product’s bottle included the unfortunate slogan “Drink it up,” so Ellen sampled it with Kahlua.
There is also Rehab shampoo (“a 12 step program”), Hemp shampoo (“the shampoo people pass around at concerts”), and insulting brand names, like Bed Head Dumb Blonde, Fat Hair, and Mane ‘n Tail (made for human or animal use).
“Do we need 22,000 different shampoos? I’m all for choice, but seriously, this is too much choice,” Ellen said.
What’s your favorite shampoo? How did you select it from the endless varieties available?
Ellen: Shake Weight For Dogs
Ellen has now discovered Dog TV, the new cable channel created for dogs, who can watch other animals and be entertained while owners are out at work. But Ellen was surprised by some of the commercials on Dog TV–the Shake Weight For Dogs. It takes the Shake Weight and modifies it for four-legged friends, “for a body other dogs will drool over.”
The Shake Weight For Dogs is only $11, (or $77 in Dog Money). Was this just an excuse to manipulate adorable dog photos and videos? Yes, but I think we’re all OK with that.
“It looks just as wrong with dogs as it does with humans,” Ellen said.
Ellen Clumsy Thumbsy Text Messages: Crackwhores
Ellen had more hilarious clumsy thumbsy text messages that were ruined or made extra hilarious thanks to autocorrect technology. Here was Tavia’s submission from Montana:
- I’m sick dude. I have the flu.
- Oh no I’m sorry. Do you need anything?
- No I think I’m okay. I have 7th and crackwhores.
- 7up and crackers!
Ellen Funny Text Messages: Riding His Bisexual
From Chris in California:
- Can you come over in like 5 minutes to watch the kids?
- Sure…where’s John?
- He’s outside riding his bisexual.
- Bike! His bike!
- Yikes, sorry I asked.
Ellen Autocorrect Text Messages: Moaning Bimbo
Kristy from Indiana sent this autocorrect text message in:
- Did you put Charlie down for his nap yet?
- Tried, he won’t fall asleep.
- Sing him a lullaby.
- I don’t know any.
- Sure you do! Hush little baby don’t say a word, Papa’s gonna buy you a moaning bimbo.
- A moaning bimbo? That should do the trick!
Ellen Silly Texts: Painted My Nips
Isabella from Florida submitted another silly text message:
- I’m so mad I painted my nips and they looked amazing and the I hit one against my door and now it’s all messed up.
- Omg nails not nips!!!
- Lol. My mom wants you to save this so we can send it to Ellen.
Ellen: Johnny Depp & Jenga
It’s the day of too many stars on Ellen, since the show also features a performance by Flo Rida, a Jenga rematch with Alison Sweeney (Ellen still claims she didn’t cheat by Pushing Alison Into The Jenga Tower), and Johnny Depp’s Dark Shadows castmates. Ellen used Dark Shadows as a segue to promote Cover Girl’s Simply Ageless Foundation.
Ellen Dance Song: “The Power”
Ellen rocked out with the audience to “I’ve Got The Power” by Snap!