Ellen: Martha Stewart’s Match Profile
Ellen began her show May 3 2013 talking about spring and how they say love is in the air. Ellen said that love is always around the corner, even on craigslist. She asked everyone in the audience to raise their hands if they date online. “Keep your hands up and look around, I can save you $12.95,” she joked.
She mentioned how Martha Stewart is now on match.com. She showed off Martha Stewart’s profile, which says things like what kind of person she is (entrepreneurial, hard-working, fun) and what kind of man she’s seeking (aged 55-70.)
If online dating could work for Martha Stewart, Ellen thought maybe it could work for her mother, too, so she created a profile for her. Her mother, who was in the audience, looked really surprised. Her mother’s name on the site was NachoMama. “Because she’s my mama, not your mama,” Ellen said.
She listed as her mother’s famous celebrities Ellen DeGeneres or Judge Judy. Under whether she smokes, it says “If you got ’em!” and under whether she drinks, it says “If you’re buying ’em!” And under “seeking,” instead of friendship or dating, it said “billionaires.” Her mother gave the profile a thumbs up.
Cinco De Mayo & National Hug Your Cat Day
“This year’s Cinco de Mayo falls on the 5th of May,” Ellen said, “I don’t know if you know that.”
It turns out that the third of May is also National Hug Your Cat Day. A woman in the audience who was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of herself hugging a cat came to talk about the holiday. Her face and hands were extremely scratched. It turns out that she really loves cats, but she doesn’t actually own one. So she just goes around hugging every cat she finds.
“They all just looked like they want to be hugged!” she said. “But some of them don’t.”
Ellen Guest Judge On Shark Tank
Sometimes, Ellen’s humor confuses me. It’s pretty obvious, for example, that the crazy cat lady was a joke, but in this Shark Tank–inspired segment, I’m not really clear on where the joke ends and reality begins.
In this segment, Ellen said she was a guest judge on Shark Tank. The prospective invention was a sweet treat with a kick, called Wired Waffles. It’s a waffle with all of the caffeine of an energy drink. I’m pretty sure Ellen being a judge was a joke, but I’m not sure about the waffle. I think it may have been a real product someone suggested.
Anyway, while the other judges asked smart questions and raised real concerns, like whether a caffeine-infused waffle would cause children to over-consume them, Ellen ate waffle after waffle. She asked questions like, “How long will these last in my car?” and “How much is each waffle to buy? How much is a 10 pack or like a 20 pack? Or like a hundred? How much is a hundred of them?” She finally offered him $1 million for 200 percent of the company.