Ellen: March Madness
The annual NCAA March Madness basketball tournament is getting underway, and the best Ellen could do in keeping track of the action is to make another tired reference to The Bachelor.
Ellen: Basketball Uniforms
Ellen compared the basketball uniforms of her childhood in the 1970s to the uniforms of today. Back then, the shorts were shorter and athletes showed off their legs and muscles. But now, Ellen notes, they are completely covered up.
“That’s not fun. It’s just big, baggy clothes,” Ellen said. “One uniform today could clothe an entire team in the ‘60s.”
Ellen: Basketball Betting
Ellen said that people are betting $2.5 billion on college basketball with coworkers, according to an estimate. She predicted that most of the money would end up in the hands of people who made their choices based on team mascots. I think uniform color probably runs a close second, as arbitrary bracket picks go.
To make almost anything more interesting, Ellen suggested betting on it or making it a drinking game. For example, Ellen volunteered to do a shot of tequila every time a player made a free throw, and two shots if they missed.
Ellen: So Happy It’s Thursday
Everyone always says “Thank God it’s Friday,” or TGIF, according to Ellen. But she thinks we should also start saying, “So happy it’s Thursday.” Then she realized the abbreviation would not work out as well.
Ellen: What’s Wrong With These Signs?
Ellen unveiled a new segment in the tradition of her user-submitted Internet humor. These signs were sent in by everyday people who realized the signs are somehow amiss. Here were the submissions:
- Julie from Michigan is a school principal. She sent in a picture of the addition her road commission made to the school’s speed limit sign, listing six different specific time windows when the speed limit would be in effect.
- Cliff from California sent in a photo of a misspelled sign, which read: “Any Chair May Fell. For Your Safty All Legs Must On Floor. Who Break, Who Pay.”
- Penny in Ohio sent in a church sign that read, “What is hell like? Come hear our preacher.” I’m sure Ellen could find enough material to spin off an entire segment of just church signs.
- Kathleen in Virginia sent in a German sign similar to the stick figure woman on restroom doors, but with a fire symbol between her legs.
- Christina from Texas sent in a sign from a roadside vegetable stand that advertised “Fresh Vaggies.”
Ellen: DJ Tony Parking
After grilling Tony about his tennis playing habits, Ellen steered the conversation to his driving skills. Then she showed off Tony’s poor parallel parking job today. He has a loaner Porsche right now, apparently, and he could not get it within the lines.
Ellen Dance Song: “Give It To Me Baby”
Today’s dance song with Ellen’s audience was “Give It To Me Baby” by Rick James.
Download an MP3 of Rick James’s “Give It To Me Baby.”