Ellen: Living With Parents
Ellen DeGeneres gave advice to people who still live at home with their parents, and also featured another installment of “Oh, Puh-Lice,” her recurring segment featuring funny police reports.
“The U.S. Census Bureau says that more than half of adults under 25 live at home with their parents,” Ellen said. “They even have a special name for those people: philosophy majors.”
Ellen gave advice to any adults who still have to live with their parents.
“Tip number one: get out of there!” she said. “Immediately. You shouldn’t live with your parents!”
“Tip number two: get out of there!” she said. “Didn’t you hear tip number one?”
“Tip number three: make sure that living with your parents is only temporary and then when the time is right, kick them out!” she said “And then when you have the place to yourself, your’e gonna have so much more room to dance!”
Ellen: Oh, Puh-lice Funny Police Reports
Ellen aired the latest installment of her ongoing segment, “Oh, Puh-lice,” in which fans submit funny police reports they find in newspapers.
The first report said that some one reported “two vehicles driving side by side with baseball bats inside” and “when an officer investigated, he learned the drivers were going to play baseball.”
Ellen laughed and said she hopes they were telling the truth.
The second report said that a woman reported receiving texts from a former lover. She she she knew it was from him “because the text was ‘in his handwriting.'”
“He is now a suspect for 50 million other crimes,” Ellen joked.
Funny Police Reports: Monkey Vs Deer
The third report said “some one entered her home through a window and made off with some clothes and a child’s playpen. She suspect it was her sister because all of the items belong to her.”
The fourth report said a woman “saw a monkey…but admitted it could have been a deer.”
“She also told police she was drinking tea but it could have been tequila,” Ellen joked.