Ellen: Funny Local Police Reports & Classic Joke Monday


Ellen: Oh, Puh-lice Funny Local Police Reports

Ellen shared silly and funny police reports from local newspapers around the country. Here are the stories featured in the show.

I would look for these, but I don’t think my local paper publishes them anymore. Do you read your local police reports in the news?

  • Ellen: Funny Police Reports

    Ellen shared funny and silly police reports from local newspapers on her talk show.

    Ohio: 5:33 pm – Police responded to a burglar alarm on the 3100 block of Milan Road. The found a woman had fallen into a door while doing a complicated exercise move.

  • Wisconsin: 11:43 pm – A 41-year-old woman flagged down police to report her daughter as missing. The daughter was found sleeping in her room, but the mother did not see her because the room was messy.
  • Minnesota: 4:58 pm – A caller on West Point Avenue reported that a belligerent squirrel was preventing him from using his boat dock. The caller said he knew nothing could be done about it, but wanted officers to know “what kind of squirrels are running about in the community.”
  • California: 4:43 pm – A caller said a man was acting “tweaky” and attempting to sell him a bottle of “goop.”
  • Massachusetts: 12:01 am – A woman called police to report that she could hear “someone in her house” and she heard them “open the refrigerator door.” While on the line with police, the woman found it was her husband.

Ellen: Classic Joke Monday

Each week, Ellen DeGeneres makes a point to share a classic joke that usually revolves around a pun. Here was her joke for this week.

  • What does Snoop Dogg use to wash his clothes?
  • Bleaotch.

Ellen: Sorry Spin Results

After seeing the mother-daughter team play Sorry Spin earlier in the show, Ellen decided that she should challenge her own mother to the game. Isn’t Ellen’s mother getting on in years? That seems like a dangerous idea, even if you’re not a senior. Maybe they should stick to the board game version.


DJ Tony said it is a hard game, and the two contestants went at it like they didn’t know each other. Ellen disagreed, saying they went at it like they did know each other. It’s a good way to get your unspoken aggression out, I guess.

Read the Sorry Spin Play-by-Play.


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