Ellen TV: Apple Pay To Replace Wallets
Ellen DeGeneres kicked off her show by talking about all the exciting things going on with Apple these days, mentioning the iPhone 6 and the iWatch. “Don’t get excited, I don’t have anything for you,” Ellen said.
Ellen said Apple also announced something called Apple Pay, which would allow you to buy things right from your phone. “They’re saying it could replace your wallet, which is great because no one ever loses their phone,” Ellen joked.
Ellen said she’s happy to take your credit cards and cash off your hands. She displayed her address at the bottom of the screen and told people to send their credit cards and cash to that address. She also said to be sure to include your mother’s maiden name. Very funny, Ellen! Let’s hope no one falls for that!
Ellen: Introducing Kids To The First Cellphone
She said that technology is crazy these days, and it’s weird to think that a child born today may never know about cash or credit cards. “I mean, what are they going to steal from their mom’s purse?” Ellen said.
Ellen said she has a 3-year-old niece and she watched her grow up with technology, and now the little girl knows how to use an iPad better than any adult she’s ever seen. She said she also tries to eat it, but that’s not the point.
Ellen said she thought she would invite a few kids there and introduce them to things she grew up with, to see if they would recognize it. First, she introduced them to the very first cellphone.
Ellen TV: Showing Kids Old Technology
Ellen showed the phone to a little boy and girl, and they were right in saying it was a phone, but then the girl added, “It’s not an ordinary phone, it’s an olden-time phone.” They even said they guessed that the phone was used 100 years ago. The little boy added, “It doesn’t even have no Facetime” about the phone.
Ellen said she then introduced another little boy and girl to the typewriter. They couldn’t find the on button, and then began to type very slowly on the keys. The little boy joked that he writes movie scripts, and Ellen pretended to copy his idea about a lost island. The little boy was describing his idea to Ellen and Ellen was typing it all up until he told her “the Jewish were trying to take over the world.” Ellen then jokingly pulled the paper out of the typewriter and ripped it up.
“Obviously he got confused,” Ellen said. “It was a reference to Indiana Jones and he assured me one of his best friends is Jewish.”
Ellen: Kids & An Answering Machine
Ellen then introduced two kids to an old answering machine. She explained how it worked and then told the little girl to leave her a message. Every time the little girl tried to leave a message, Ellen kept cutting her off with a beep. Finally when the girl spit out her message as fast as she could, Ellen waited about 5 seconds before finally giving her a beep.
“This machine is so complicated!” the girl called out.
Ellen TV: Ellen Rocks & Over-The-Shoulder Boulder Holder
Ellen talked about how earlier in the week, she brought in rocks from her yard to sell. She said there were 15 rocks and they may $295 by selling Ellen Rocks. Ellen said she realized she was sitting on a goldmine.
She brought in some more rocks, small, medium, and large. Each rock would come with a certificate of authentication and if people still didn’t believe you, Ellen would also include a card that would certify the certification of authentication.
Ellen said people were asking how to carry their rocks out, and so now they’re promoting a new product to help people carry Ellen Rocks, called “Ellen’s over-the-shoulder boulder holder.”
She said they only have one right now, but if it goes well they will make more. “So you don’t have to limit your purchase of rocks. You can buy many, many rocks,” Ellen said.
Ellen: Classic Joke Friday
It was finally time for Classic Joke Friday!
“What do you call a wandering cave man?” Ellen asked.