Ellen: Lies Vs Truth
“You know I like to come out here and be honest with you,” Ellen said. “I’m going to be honest with you and tell you that I lied.” She launched into a monologue about Lies Vs Truth.
Ellen started telling the story of how her assistant called her and asked if the call woke her up. Even though Ellen had been sleeping, she lied and said she hadn’t been.
“I shouldn’t have answered the phone while I was driving,” she said. “That was dangerous.”
Ellen continued to joke about how everybody has to lie sometimes.
“I bet some of you had to lie to come in here today,” she said to her audience members. “You called in sick or you told your parents you were coming here with your roommate.”
Ellen DeGeneres: White Lies
Ellen said sometimes you lie to “protect someone’s feelings.” She used haircuts as an example, saying that when your hairdresser asks you if you like your haircut, you lie and say that you do. But as soon as you get out to your car, you start freaking out and messing with your hair, “pulling it down, trying to hold it in place with your tears.”
“Or how about when you see an ugly baby?” Ellen said. “Ya know? They’re not all cute. But you have to act like it’s cute. You can’t say, ‘Oh my…look at that face. Is she part-reptile?'”
After joking about lies, Ellen said that she thinks honesty is one of three most important things to her. She said the other two are kindness and, “if you don’t have something nice to say, dance.”
Ellen Dance Song: “Hot In Herre”
Then Ellen started dancing up and down the audience aisles to Nelly‘s “Hot In Herre” from his album Nellyville.
Ellen: “Moves Like Jagger” Audience Karaoke
When she got back to her seat, Ellen introduced a video montage of audience members attempting, unsuccessfully, to sing along to Maroon 5‘s “Moves Like Jagger” from their album Hands All Over.
It was hilariously awful. Very few people knew any of the words and thus incoherently mumbled along to the song. Even the people who did remember the lyrics were definitely not good singers.
After the video, Ellen jokingly scolded Tony for laughing at her audience members, because Tony is notoriously bad at singing, as seen in the show’s Tony Karaoke segments.
“Tony you have no business laughing at them at all,” she said. “Shame on you for laughing at them. How dare you.”
Ellen: What’s Wrong With These Signs?
Ellen ran the latest installment in her What’s Wrong With These Signs segment. The series features fan-submitted pictures of signs that have unintended meanings or subtexts.
- The first sign read, “BUY BED FREE 1 NIGHT STAND.”
- The second was a road sign that read “ROADSIDE SLASHER AHEAD.”
- The third a sign for an Asian cuisine restaurant that read, “DELICIOUS FLOOR.”
- The last sign was at a grocery store and read, “Checkout lines will be accessed through the backside of ladies.”
Ellen joked that it was the second draft of the sign and was far superior to the original, which read, “PACKAGES WILL BE ACCEPTED NEAR THE LADIES’ PRIVATE AREA.”