Ellen: Classic Joke Monday
Ellen reminded DJ Tony that today was Classic Joke Monday. I guess you can print these out to entertain children or the easily amused.
Here was today’s classic joke from the show: What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?
Answer follows: Odor in the court.
Ellen: Abraham Lincoln Prank
In honor of Presidents Day, Ellen played a prank on members of the audience. Here’s the set up: Before audience members are seated in the studio, they wait backstage in what Ellen calls The Riff Raff Room. Ellen explained that there is a photo booth in the Riff Raff Room for audience members to use while they are hanging out.
She had someone dress up as our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, to scare unsuspecting audience members who were taking photos in the booth.
He would wait until the camera flashed before terrifying the unsuspecting people. That way their expressions of terror would be caught on film. There were lots of screams, a few boob grabs, and at least one person fell out of the photo booth onto the floor.
Now those are some Facebook-Worthy Photos.
Ellen: Pronunciation Manual
Ellen recently shared some videos from a website called the Pronunciation Manual. An actual Pronunciation Manual would help people learn to speak English correctly.
But this parody version sounds like the real thing and would make learning English as a Second Language even more confusing. Click on the linked words to hear the incorrect pronunciations for yourself.
She showed some samples of his work. First was Rendezvous, which he pronounced RANDEEN’S VOOP US.
Then there was Carpe Diem, which he pronounced CRAPPY DIME.
Finally, there are Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I can’t even render that phonetically, so you will have to see it for yourself.
Ellen & The Pronunciation Guy
The Pronunciation Guy heard that he has been on featured on Ellen’s show, so he made her a custom pronunciation video.
Here is how he suggested you pronounce Ellen DeGeneres: ELL ALLAN DAR GIMINITS
This would be really irritating if you were learning English, but it is pretty hilarious if you already know your way around the language.
Clumsy Thumbsy: Autocorrect Text Messages
Speaking of abusing the English language, next Ellen talked about the problems we have with the autocorrect feature on our phones.
Maybe you have seen Damn You Autocorrect, a funny website that collects screenshots of people’s most embarrassing adventures with autocorrect software.
Clumsy Thumbsy: Promiscuous Mom
Ellen shared some particularly entertaining examples. In one, a mother tried to explain to her daughter that she was promoted at work.
- I got promiscuous at work!
- Don’t tell dad lol.
- Ha! I was pro moistened.
- Got probed.
- Lol. Congrats mom!
Autocorrect Text Message: Get Mom Pregnant
The next texts were between a father and daughter.
- Hey dad, mom just said she wants you to stop and get her pregnant.
- That might be difficult since I got a vasectomy in 1999.
- Prego. The damn sauce! Haha oops.
- Did you write that with your “smart” phone?
- Don’t start, dad.
Clumsy Thumbs: Stuffy in the Nasty Region
In the next silly message, a phone corrected “nasal” to “nasty,” so the text said, “Feeling stuffy in the nasty region.”
- How was your flight?
- Decent, actually slept most of the way, which is always a plus. Feeling kind of stuffy in the nasty region though. How have you been?
- Nasty region?
- Nasal region hahaha
Ellen Autocorrect: Love You To Prairies
Another woman admitted she was drunk after multiple attempts to spell “Love you to pieces” failed.
- Love you to prairies.
- I give up
- But never on u
- La fuch u attic chest
- Auto correct
- I’m drunk