Dr Oz: Plan For Control Freaks
Dr Oz and psychologist Dr Erin Olivo were talking to Rosemary, a wife and mother who openly admitted that she’s a control freak who has neglected her own health because she’s been too busy worrying about others. Dr Oz said if you’re a control freak who’s stressed out because you’re so busy helping other people, he had a plan that can help you help yourself and stop controlling other people.
Dr Olivo said that the stress that all control freaks feel boils down to emotions. She said that we use the term stress as a catch-all phrase, rather than being specific enough to come up with a solution. She said the good news is that there are really only eight core emotions.
Dr Oz: Eight Core Emotions
The eight emotions Dr Olivo was talking about are love, happiness, fear, anger, shame, sadness, jealousy, and disgust. Dr Olivo said that more than likely, it’s actually emotion that is driving Rosemary to control in the first place. She guessed that a lot of what Rosemary does comes from love for her husband and kids.
Rosemary said she wants to maximize time with her family because she loves them so much. Dr Olivo also said that most often, control freaks are driven by fear. “If I don’t keep control over everything, I really fear…” what? Rosemary said she fears that things would spiral out of control and she wouldn’t be able to spend time with the people she loves, and therefore she wouldn’t be the best mom she possibly could be.
Dr Oz: Why We Feel The Need To Control
Rosemary basically feels if she’s not in control, she’s not a good mom. Dr Olivo explained that often times, things happen in our lives that aren’t controllable, so we find other things that we can control instead. She said there are little things that we can control, which we think better help us cope with the other things that we cannot.
Rosemary said the last time she did something that was “out of control” was when she was in college and she had her first daughter. She shared that she didn’t expect to have a child that early, and she took it as a sign that she needed to get her life under control.
Dr Oz: Do Something That Makes You Uncomfortable
Dr Olivo said that we need to do one thing every day that makes us uncomfortable. Dr Olivo said Rosemary needed to practice not being in control so that she can see how it can actually be better. Rosemary said, “But they will spiral out of control” and Dr Olivo said, “They probably won’t.”
Dr Olivo said to start small by picking one thing she was willing to give up. Rosemary said she was going to allow her kids to have five more minutes in the shower and Dr Oz said, “I feel so much better about myself now.” Dr Olivo said instead of telling her kids to hurry up in the shower, Rosemary needed to sit, breathe, and remind herself that a longer shower doesn’t make her a bad mom.
Dr Olivo is the author of Wise Mind Living.